To love and be loved is one of the most exhilarating experiences
people can enjoy. Writers and poets ancient and modern speak of the
power and emotion of romantic love. Yet the Bible reveals that love, in
its broadest sense, is a choice. Love is something we choose to do.
God tells husbands to love their wives (Ephesians 5:25, 28; Colossians
3:19)—and not just if they feel like it. Lacking a foundational understanding,
many couples have tragically assumed they have no control
over their feelings. Concluding that love just magically appears or disappears,
too many have suffered and even dissolved relationships over
difficulties that could have been resolved.
In a beautiful explanation of the love God expects of us, the apostle
Paul describes the nature and qualities of love: “Love is patient, love is
kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it
is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails”
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NIV).
Love is much more than a vague emotion or physical attraction. Practicing
real love requires conscious choice and determination. Genuine
love resolves to show kindness and patience in the face of suffering. It does not return evil for evil (Romans 12:17; 1 Thessalonians 5:15). People
who exemplify this kind of love follow the example of God Himself,
who “is kind to the unthankful and evil” (Luke 6:35).
Full, complete love is the love God expects husbands to show their
wives. It is the foundation of godly leadership. Without it husbands cannot
properly fulfill the leadership God expects from them within marriage
(Ephesians 5:23). When a husband demonstrates godly love, his
whole family benefits. His wife and children feel secure. When they
know they are honored and loved, it is much easier for them to respect
him as the leader of the family.
Husbands must understand that even though God has given them
responsibility within the family, their position of leadership is to be
used only for the good of the family. It should never be used for selfish
reasons. This kind of leadership flows from the understanding that first
and foremost the husband, too, is under authority—God’s authority
(1 Corinthians 11:3).
Because husbands historically have not lived up to God’s expectations
for them, some have concluded that a father’s leadership position within
the family is evil and outdated. The real problem, however, is with
husbands who neglect or reject the character traits of godliness—not
with God’s model for families. If we accept God’s instructions, we must
accept His teaching on the marriage model.
God places on a husband’s shoulders immense responsibility for
leading his wife and children in gentleness and love. God gives him no
mandate to use his position harshly or selfishly, nor the right to neglect
his family’s well-being. Humility, the opposite of pride and arrogance,
is essential in godly leadership.
In a poignant letter to Titus, Paul explained that God’s structure for
families is a foundational biblical teaching: “But as for you, speak the
things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober,
reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women
likewise, that they be reverent in behavior . . . —that they admonish the
young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet,
chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed
