When two mature people begin dating each other with an eye toward
marriage, they must consider many things. What values does the other
person hold? Does he believe in God? Does she obey God? What is this
person’s background and personal standards and values? What are his
preferences, dislikes, character and personality? Will this person be a
complementary match? Can I love and respect her?
Often in modern dating little thought is given to a potential partner
for life—other than whether the two enjoy their sexual activity. Yet when
two people refrain from the emotionally charged arena of sexual relations
as God instructs, they can much more rationally consider the values
and traits of a potential spouse.
Finding a mate with similar religious values is an especially important
consideration. The ancient nation of Israel repeatedly lost its spiritual
moorings when its citizens intermarried with people with different
religious convictions and practices (Numbers 25:1-3; Nehemiah 13:23-
26). Marrying within one’s faith is still just as important.
Ideally children should have two parents who believe, practice and
teach the same religious principles. When children have parents with
different values, they are confused. Even if children are not involved,
clashes between two competing value systems can be painful. Through
bitter experience, many afterward wish that when they were dating they
had followed the apostle Paul’s advice against being “unequally yoked together” with someone of different religious beliefs (2 Corinthians 6:14).
As two people consider getting engaged to be married, if they are
wise they will seek premarital counseling. Such counsel can help couples
consider their strengths and weaknesses before marriage. In addition to
an objective review, they can discuss their relationship skills.
Although the decision to marry is a personal one, this kind of information
can help couples make wiser choices about whom they marry. For
those who choose to proceed with marriage, insights gained through premarital
counseling can lay a foundation for a relationship that will last.
